Welcome to the United Ostomy Association of Canada Website!

Upcoming Events

• 2010-08-21 Annual General Meeting
• 2010-08-18 UOAC Conference 2010
  UOAC Conference 2010
• 2010-08-18 Board Of Directors Meeting - August

Life tells the stories ...

With A Little Help
     
By: Father Kevin James Barker with Delilah Guy RNET

Surprise! I am a Roman Catholic Priest from St. Joseph Parish, Gander, NL.  Yes, not even a priest is immune from having cancer and an ostomy.
     
My first involvement with cancer dates back to 1987, when I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I had undergone surgery and recovered very well. During my first follow-up visit with my surgeon, I learned the cancer had spread to my bladder. Surgery was not recommended; instead I underwent numerous treatments without side effects. I told myself that nothing could go wrong now.

In 2000, my surgeon informed me that I had colon cancer and surgery was necessary. There were a lot of questions going through my head regarding whether other parts of my body could be affected.

    Guided by my spiritual faith, I decided to have the bowel surgery resulting in a permanent colostomy. Before I had the surgery, I considered myself a very independent, active person with a good positive attitude. I love meeting people from different walks of life. Being a priest I can counsel, be a good listener and most of all give spiritual advice. I am a public figure in my community and around the diocese's circle. I have obligations to the public to perform masses twice a day, seven days a week. Besides this, I am a volunteer to other community associations.

My experiences before the surgery are the beginning of my journey as an ostomate.

Questions keep coming back into my head and I do not know the answers. Questions like: Can I go back to the same way of life? Can I take care of myself now that I have a stoma? Can I perform my priestly duties of dealing with people around me? What will people think and say about me? I thought then that the nature of the surgery would bring me great despair and be bothersome to my everyday living. I was admitted to the hospital a day before the surgery. It was the day I met a very strong-willed determined nurse. Nurse Guy prepared me for surgery by explaining and answering the questions I asked. She marked a stoma site and for the first time I saw an ostomy appliance. I requested that she apply a sample of the pouch to my skin so that I could feel what it was going to be like. The feeling was very different and difficult to explain, sort of like applying glue to your skin. I felt like taking it off right away!

I found that nurse Guy was very strict and demanding from day one. She explained to me in detail what was expected of me as a patient with a stoma.

One of my strong characteristics is always wanting to be in control of things and dictating to others. I do not want others telling me what to do and now the scenario is reversed. It was very difficult for me to accept the fact that someone was telling me new things and expecting me to do them and having to listen because I wanted to get better.

I came back from surgery with no problems but faced feelings of rejection, depression, self-pity, being un-cooperative and I gave the nurses a hard time, especially nurse Guy.
 
Now thinking back, I remember when nurse Guy was changing the pouching system and asked if I wanted to see my stoma and I answered with a flat 'NO' and I turned my head to the other direction.

I saw myself as a difficult patient with no willingness to take responsibility for self-care of my stoma. I did not help nurse Guy to do her work to help me through the process. Until one day nurse Guy finally laid the LAW on me and asked, "You do not expect someone to do your stoma care every day of your life, do you Father?" "Tonight, Father, please think about it. In order to get back your independence and continue living is to try to do it yourself, you have no choice. Every day is another day."

That night was the longest night I ever had. I did not sleep at all. I never prayed to God so heartily.  All I could hear ringing in my ears were the questions from nurse Guy. With fervent prayers and seeking for help that night, I knew I got answers to my prayers. The following morning I felt very good and felt an extra strength in me. I summoned nurse Guy and another phase of my life began. I knew then that I could do it with the help and guidance of a special nurse who did not give up on me. Her persistence in helping me cope and meet my own expectations of taking care of myself became a reality, and I became to be a more understanding individual. The challenges that she gave me during my difficult time enabled me to be better, stronger, responsible and most of all, an independent person. I learned a lot from her about ostomies and still am learning. I visit her ostomy clinic for regular checkups.

Ten years have passed and I continue to enjoy life to the fullest. Though I am a retired priest, I have obligations to relieve priests who are on vacation across the province of NL. I continue to do volunteer work within the community of Gander.

Nurse Guy urged me to get involved with the UOAC chapter and I am presently the Vice-President of the Gander Chapter # 9006. Our Chapter has a strong membership and we are just like one whole family.

Being a trained ostomy visitor, I visit patients in the hospital with new and old ostomies, once nurse Guy makes a request. At times I do home visits and accept phone calls from ostomates. Sharing experiences is not only learning but it is a way we can better ourselves and accept our weaknesses. As a priest, I do counseling to give people hope, courage and to strengthen their spiritual faith. As an ostomate, I no longer segregate myself while in public places, because I am comfortable with anybody being present. Now I extend my boundaries by saying "I am an OSTOMATE."

I will end my story by acknowledging everyone who was involved in my care as patient, most importantly the surgeons, nurse Guy, my family, friends, and our Gander chapter members who were supportive during my entire ordeal as a cancer survivor with an ostomy.

 God Bless You All.
 
Father Kevin James Barker is Vice President of the Gander District Chapter, Delilah Guy BS, RNET is a member of the UOAC Board of Directors and President of the Gander District Chapter.